*Note: Rajeesh is a fantastic writer, totally immersed, karaoke addict.
First of all, I'm sure y'all have heard about what
happened to me & my Nashville aspirations (Barrrrf) at
the VDL by now. I should've wrote this earlier, or
just shouldn't have, but hell, I stayed in Thursday
night, and was in a pretty good mood to write, so I
click-clacked away at the keys instead of karaoke'ing
for a change, and here is my take on the whole farce.
Mind you, I'm not blaming or is mad at anyone. It's
all in fun, and hey, life was never fair. Call me a
sore loser all you want, but I am in a sarcastic mood
and so just giving a humorous take about that night
from a supposedly third party perspective. Anyone
taking umbarge, lighten up.
Y'know, on another day, I may have been royally
pissed, but the way the scores was handed out, I kinda
couldn't hide a contemptuous sneer from my face when
that '5' was handed out, and still has it on my face
as I type this up. Bottom line, I suck at Contests, I
will forever be given the finger by the judges, but
I'll still be loved by the crowd (unless audience
participation is a consideration, in that case,
everyone will cheer for their own folk and no one
else. For example, I'd have had maybe 4 people
cheering for me last night, excluding Kevin "cheering
loudly" -- gesturing desperately using sign language
:-).
Call me the Grand Funk Railroad of Karaoke Contests,
if you will.
Before I continue the self-righteous bitching, first I
need to thank my three great friends who made it up
there just for me, sat thru the whole charade, cheered
me on, and generally got me all panicked before the
performance.. lol.. Not.- Kevin, Linda K, and the Big
Sheik Bo himself... LOVE YA guys... :-) And also met
up with Troy, hoping to score a wildcard but failed,
as well as Liz Holmes, Gaylen, Brandon (Kyle's). And
the waitress for our table was DebbieOke's
stepdaughter Stephanie.
Six months before this, assuming I even got conned
into walking into a show like this, I wouldn't have
known a soul in the place. Tonight, it was a friends'
party of sorts. I was so glad all you guys made it out
there. And Troy, Kevin, Linda K, Bo thanks for writing
about it and the support. Hope you guys get your turn
sometime down the line and get up there, at the right
time (means a night of better judging).
Ok, back to the bitching. This is my third contest
ever, so call me inexperienced, but this is the first
time I've seen so much incompetent judging, AND them
not afraid to show it.
Let's see. I got a 7, 5, 6 for a total of 18/21. I
think I was the only contestant last night to score a
"Perfect" score (7) AND a "Mediocre" score (5). I
don't think any other contestant who got a 7 from one
judge got anything less than 6 from the other two
judges. I feel so effin' special.
Had to love what the '5' chick had to say to me before
handing it out... "Good job, It is a difficult song,
you did put a lot of work into it.. I am sure I won't
be able to do it myself... (small pause) So I give you
a 5". (I have it on video, so I know....) Wow.. she
surely has some self-esteem issues. Wonder what she'd
have given herself if she could even manage to learn
something like that herself.
The "judges" -- Three gussied up women -- Jabberjaw #1
from some radio station, Jabberjaw #2 from some other
radio station, and a KC Chiefs Cheerleader. Excited
already?? The way they were dressed up looking more
like present/future Trophy mommys than anything else,
no wonder they gave the old guys such high scores.
And for their choice of obligatory hotchicks, there
were three okay-singing ones that night. (There were
better singing chicks than those, however,
unfortunately, they couldn't quite cut it in the 'hot'
dept.).
The one after me, the one that sang the Streisand, the
one that scored a 7,6,6, was the best hot-chick of
them all, by far. But she, unfortunately, committed
the cardinal sin... she was thinner (and hotter) than
the judge-chicks, wore a miniskirt and was flashin' a
pair of freshly shaved shiny long gams (very
captivating.. I know, I was backstage with her for a
good 5 minutes and don't even remember looking at her
face once... ;-). Needless to say, if the
judgie-babes' scowls could kill, poor girl was dead
before she even opened her mouth.
The other two, the ones that got the 7-7-7's were in
no way spectacular... the first one did "Me & Bobby
McGee" in a sorta nasal sorority chick voice, doing no
justice to the throaty soul and raw emotion of Janis
Joplin. Was dressed like a skater or something, but
she did possess a pair of sashayin' hips on her, and
were using them like she had three hula hoops round
her (The judges' response "That song took them to a
different place..."), but she was a wee lil on the
plump side, so she was OK, and next thing you know,
she has a 7-7-7.
The other one, looked non-threatening, looked &
dressed like a bank teller, and was cruising along
with a low-strain song, eyes and feet glued to the
monitor and the floor respectively (Viva's stage
movements would be Iggy Pop compared to hers).
However, the heavens came together for her at the
right moment, right at the 2 minute mark, she hit a
high note, and next thing you know, all the dourness
of the previous 1:59 were forgotten, and hey, we have
another 7-7-7.
The first guy to score the perfect 7-7-7 was a big
tall 50-ish dude who put in a performance that you'd
expect around 12:15 AM at a drunk Bar Mitzvah, with
singing to match. I am still trying to figure out how
he got that 7-7-7, other than getting two people to
dance and of course, the crowd noise, but I'd owe that
to the song "Mustang Sally" rather than how he sang
it, which was 'good' at best. To paraphrase a famous
saying, I've heard Big Country sing it before, and
you, sir, are no Big Country. He didn't even look like
he had the $$$. Shit, I'll never understand 'em
trophy-chicks.
The next older guy. Like Kevin said, a boring drone. A
lifeless dour song no one's heard before. He hardly
got an applause, eyes glues to the monitor, did
nothing spectacular.. if he had something going for
his singing, other than a monotonous drawl (which he
did well tho), guess he was saving it up for the
Record suits in Nashville, coz we sure as hell didn't
hear it anytime last night. But hey, he was wearing
black leather pants..... and a vest... and a cowboy
hat...ooh baby baby. As per the judge-chicks, the
leather pants gave him "Lots of stage presence". I'm
so not kidding. So 7-7-7 it is.
(However, what I found strange and interesting thru
all this, is another older guy contestant, the "Postal
Delivery Man", who dressed like Older Guy #1, but sang
like Older guy #2, could have been a
Best-of-both-worlds thing, but he ended up being one
of the three that got the "horn"). Mighty strange.
Lemme repeat it again, I'll never understand 'em
judge-chicks.
So those were the final four. So it came to the
patently ridiculous "Happy Birthday" singoff. This was
crummy-crap at best. The usual contests are at least
less torturous in the sense that the judges already
have their winner in mind before a note is sung, and
they don't have to put four people and the audience
thru a stupid charade like this. The audience showed
their interest in the proceedings and the Final Four
by thinning out (one'd think they'll stay around to
hear who the winner was), it had nowhere near the
energy it had during the actual competition.
The drunken-bar mitzvah guy tried to pull the same
schtick twice, doing a twisty-jinky 'Happy Birthday',
complete with a few Wilson Pickett-y grunts and yelps
thrown in for good measure, but by then, the judgey
chicks cottoned on that the dude may be a drunk broke
compulsive gambler after all, so they weren't too
interested, and neither were the audience.
Then came the hot chick with the hips, she tried the
'provocateur' route, and pulled something that sounded
like she recorded herself Climaxing and playing the
audio back in Super slo-mo. However, this time, they
sent her off faster than her coming. (That was some
hopes dashed, later, I see her, bawling in the arms of
some dude... jeez, some folks really take this shit
hard.)
The leather-pants guy, the least deserving to be up
there in the final 4, however, was the most sensible
in the end, and kept a cool head, and did a good
straightforward rendition. However, by that time, the
judgeys finally clued on to what the rest of the world
knew already, that he ain't exactly Nashville record
deal material.
That left the last-second-high-note chick. She sang it
plain like the leather-pants guy did (got a pretty
good voice tho), added a few undulations here-n-there
for good measure, and by that time, her whole extended
family was there, right in the front row, and they
cheered lustily for her, and hell, next thing you
know, she had audience participation points, and she
wins.
Hell, I have to grudgingly acknowledge that, among the
last four standing, and ONLY among those four, she was
the best, so I guess I had to agree with the judgey
chicks in the Final pick.
So at the end of it all, the judgey chicks won
big-time --- They got me to agree to ONE decision of
theirs, they titillated a couple of old dudes at the
bar all evening only to dash their hopes in the end,
they got their obligatory hot-chick winner, but not
before kicking out the one hotchick that was the most
threatening to their effeminity, and crowning the one
voted least likely to be a future trophy.
So that was it. We all had our plusses too. Linda K
got her a nice set of big VDL cocktail glasses (she is
ALWAYS winning something), Kevin is back again in
Jaegerworld, I set foot inside a Casino building after
a loooong time, Bo was the audience member rather than
the MC for a change, met Steve Douglas of this group
(he runs the karaoke for that show). In case someone
is wondering, I am far from disappointed. It was a fun
time. However, if I had to have another Wednesday
night out, I'd rather head up to Gators to hear some
better quality singing (and check out the 'stroking).
In conclusion, I hope Linda K, Troy, DJ Okie, Liz
Holmes, Bo, Carrie, Kevin whoever signed up so far
that I know of, or otherwise, gets your turn at
Showbiz as soon as possible, and get better judges
too, while they are at it.
I wish the chick that won all the best. I hope she
goes and does her thing all the way to the suits in
Nashville.
Hell, I'd be the happiest person, if at the end of it
all, she makes a better career out of it than Justin
Guarini did.
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